Smurfberries!

For those of you who are Children of the 80s, you no doubt remember the Smurfs, unless your parents had some kind of uncanny sight beyond sight and recognized the now obvious Soviet propaganda for what it is.

Regardless, one of the things I loved the most about the Smurfs was that the word smurf was not just a noun, but a multi-purpose verb. "You're the smurfiest smurf that ever smurfed a smurf" would no doubt be correct in a written paper.

I submit that we need more words like this in English. If you're not familiar with our mother tongue's penchant for vocabulary, simply pick up an English dictionary, and then compare it to say, a Spanish or Russian dictionary. The paucity of words in those languages is downright overwhelming, if such a thing is even possible.

So, in order to better fit in with the rest of the world (and after all, that's part of what real change is all about), I say we start using already common and overused nouns as verbs, adjectives, adverbs, conjunctions - you name it.

For example:

"Dude, you're like, the dudeliest dude that ever duded with dudes - and dudettes. You're totally dudical."

You know you want to. It'll be rad.

A Time to Remember

First, a bit of football.

The Yellow Jackets managed to scrape by with a win over Clemson last night. After dominating the Tigers for a quarter and a half, the Wramblin' Wreck seemed to suffer from misfires and detonation. Clemson roared back and seemed poised to take it all when they were shut down by an admittedly bad call (but these things happen in college ball). Tech then kicked a field goal to win, and the D held on until the end.

In the pros, my man Troy Polamalu got injured after an amazing one-handed interception. The Steelers went on to win in overtime (the sudden death being much preferable to the whiny little girly rules of college ball).

Anyway, today is the second of our days which live in infamy. But it may come as a surprise that September 11th is important to me for reasons other than the obvious ones. Sure, I am still rattled by the thought that a bunch of radical murderers managed to pull off a plot that should only be found in movies, comic books, video games, and thriller novels. I am still awed by the heroism of ordinary Americans on Flight 93 and all those who responded to the emergencies in New York and the Pentagon. And I am still concerned for the safety of those who fight for me abroad.

But September 11th means so much more. Since entering college, I have developed a passion for knowing the truth. Deep down, we all know that there are things that are true, and things that are false. Those who claim that truth is relative are simply in denial of reality. Of course, in any search for the truth, one is bound to come upon falsehoods.

And this is where the events of September 11th intersect with my quest. There are many out there who believe the most outlandish claims about the events of that day. Generally known as the "9/11 Truth Movement" or "9/11 Truthers," these people believe almost anything except the most obvious - that 19 men working for Al Qaeda managed to change history by hijacking four airliners filled with innocent victims.

Like all conspiracy mongers, they bend the truth, misrepresent facts, tell half-truths, and generally do all they can to avoid dealing with the reality of that tragic day. They (whether purposefully or in ignorance, I don't know) misuse philosophical and scientific methods of inquiry, misquote scientific and engineering information, and engage in blatant abuses of logic and reason.

It is interesting on another level, since their behavior mimics those who are caught up in a cult-like enviroment. They believe they have the real truth, a truth that has been hidden and can only be revealed by secret knowledge. Having that knowledge helps them make sense out of a senseless world. But it isn't the truth. They're caught in a delusion that only leads them further from reality, and ultimately will damage the way they interact not only with history, but their fellow humans.

These people are dangerous, but not in the sense of national security. They're no threat to an orderly society - not in the traditional sense of maniacs with guns and knives. No, this is a more existential threat that exists for the entire Western world. There is a great battle underway, and the stakes couldn't be higher. On the one side is the insistence that all truth, and even reality itself, is merely relative - a byproduct of our own individual neurochemistry, and no two realities are congruent. On the other is the somewhat "old-fashioned" view that there is an objective reality, and that we use our senses and our minds to uncover what that reality is.

If the relativistic view wins out, then the end of Western civilization is assured (though by all means it may end through other mechanisms, as well). When we let go of our ability to connect in an organized, methodical manner to reality, then chaos follows shortly behind. A society divided in counteless ways over what is real will in short order rip itself apart.

Conspiracy theorists exist in the heart of this battle, not at the periphery. Allowing them to spew their nonsense unchallenged means that we give ground to the relativistic view of the universe, and edge one step closer to instability and chaos. Fortunately, organizations like Popular Science and the Skeptical Inquirer put a lot of time and effort into debunking 9/11 myths, as did many other individuals acting on their own. For now, the truth is alive and well in the West. But for how long? Crazy people will always be with us. Maintaining bastions of thought requires eternal vigilance.

Each 9/11 (and December 7th, for that matter), I think hard about ways I can help contribute to that vigilance, and combat the forces of deception and destruction in my own little sphere of influence.

No Healthpack Reform

So the President spoke last night, but there was no mention of the brilliance that would be the healthpack.

Oh well, I tried.

Maybe next time.

In other news, my daughter Zoe is learning to push up on her legs and arms. She gets her legs under her and the straightens them, which pushes her face along the floor. I don't know when babies start crawling, and even less about when they start doing the worm. And while we're on the subject, is the Worm a precursor to crawling? Or does she just enjoy rug burns? The one thing I do know is this: it's funny to watch.

Tomorrow is September 11th. Don't forget to remember the fallen.

Remakes Number 1

Video game remakes seem to come and go in popularity, kind of like movie remakes.

But there are a handful of classic NES titles that deserve a modern remake, or at least a modern update a la Bionic Commando: Rearmed.

The first one I'd like to see is a remake for Guardian Legend, first published by Broderbund way back in 1988. It's an interesting title, because as far as I know, it was the first (and maybe only) game to combine shmup (shoot 'em up) action with an action adventure format like The Legend of Zelda.

In the game, the player takes the form of Earth's guardian, a mysterious woman with the ability to transform into a space fighter. The game is divided up into several dungeons, with the initial level serving as a kind of hub. To access the other levels, the player must acquire special weapons and keys. These are found by defeating mini-bosses and completing the games flying levels, which contain the main bosses. There were a host of special weapons in addition to the main weapon. The special weapons were powered by a kind of currency that could be found lying about or by defeating enemies. The special weapons could be upgraded twice, which made some of them extremely powerful. The main weapon could also be upgraded, as could the player's attack, defense, and hitpoint stats.

It was a fun combination, I thought, though by today's standards the flying sections might be seen as a little dull (at the time Compile was already legendary in the shmup community). And even though there were plenty of weapons, they didn't all have uses, like a Zelda or Metroid game. Still, in a remake those issues can be addressed. What was great about the game was the sense of forboding and adventure. Something had gone horribly wrong with the planet (the big blue thing on the title screen) and the evil there was headed straight for earth. As a kid I remember wondering what had happened to the creatures that created the planet. Why were they shaped like round blue blobs? Why was the Guardian able to use their weapons? And why was she sent, and not an entire armada?

The game touches on all kinds of interesting themes: megadisasters, lost planets, alien technology, and cybernetic organisms to name a few. In addition, I always got the feeling that the Guardian didn't really have a choice in her Guardianship. In the game's ending, she is seen free from her transforming suit of armor, and seems rather relieved. Perhaps I read too much into it as a kid. After all, I'd be relieved if I just saved my home from impending global catastrophe.

At any rate, there are so many nascent ideas in the game that a remake could really be transformed into a stellar experience. There could be interesting research topics like in Metroid Prime that help fill in the back story. Instead of the weapons being used simply for combat, they could have a more useful function like helping to reach other areas, or defeat specific enemies. I have no idea who owns the rights to the game. Broderbund is still around, but I wonder if they retained the rights or sold them to someone else. As usual, the Wikipedia article is only slightly helpful.

Still, I'd love to see a remake, and I'm sure there are plenty of others my age who have fond memories of their quest through Naju. And if it was done well enough, and entirely new generation would be exposed to this rather unique gaming experience. However, if it managed to be a giant crapfest like the 1942 remake, then it would go back into gaming obscurity, probably forever.

And that would be a shame.

Healthpack Reform

So healthcare is all the rage these days - at least as far as political conversations go.

President Obama has made healthcare reform a Big Deal - possibly the deal on which he hopes to cement his legacy. But there's a problem. In spite of his eloquence, he has been unable to articulate any kind of reform ideas. Will their be a public option or not? Will it be government run or co-op? What does this trigger business mean?

Most of this stuff is not his fault, as all 535 members of Congress have been running around, each seemingly supporting a different kind of reform.

In this post, I'll do two things that our beloved federal government have been unable to accomplish:

1). Enumerate the problems.
2). Provide a solution.

First, the problems. It's very simple, really. If you watch the news or look at any of the polls, the American people seem to want three things (in no particular order):

A. Tort reform. It's not rocket science. "Healthcare" lawyers (like John Edwards before he was a senator) see the insurance companies as giant pots of gold - money for the taking. All they need is fifteen minutes and a client willing to sue his or her doctor for forgetting to order that MRI. Most of us understand that such a mentality can't continue, and that if we just clamped down a little on these freeloaders (without squashing the rights of patients - there's always that fine balance), then we'd save literally tons of money.

For example, I have a friend who is an anesthesiologist. When he finally becomes a full-fledged one, he'll command what seems like an outrageous salary - until you learn that fully half of it must go to malpractice insurance. And that's before taxes. Clearly, something is broken there.

B. Pre-existing conditions. It's just not right that someone should be denied the ability to go see the doctor if they get the flu simply because they're diabetic, or have leukemia, or any of a thousand other things. I don't really see how this will help drive down costs, but it should be done because it's the right thing to do.

C. Interstate healthcare. This is absolutely ridiculous as well. Why can't we buy insurance from the company with the best price? I live in New Jersey, which until recently had absolutely obscene car insurance prices because of the socialized way in which they tried to provide coverage to "everyone." What ended up happening is that folks tried to drop off the radar and drive without it - thus continually driving up everyone else's premiums.

Not to mention companies pulled out of the state altogether, which reduced competition, which drove up prices. And finally shady fly-by-night companies sprang up everywhere offering cheap insurance for those who couldn't afford it. You can guess what happened to those folks when they got into an accident or needed help otherwise.

It's similar with health insurance companies, only for some reason we've accepted it as normal in all 50 states. Company A might be able to give me better coverage at a lower price, but because they're in Nevada and I'm not, I can't buy from them. That is stupid. There are no good reasons for keeping something like that going.

So those are the things that need fixing. Now for the fixer!

Healthpacks.

That's right. Those universal items we find in almost every video game. You can be dying of multiple gunshot wounds to the torso, yet if you find a little box with a red plus on it, you are immediately back in the game. Similarly, you can be fighting intergalactic baddies across the cosmos, lose an arm and a leg, and yet when that familiar white box comes into view, you know the day will only get brighter. Been poisoned? Find a healthpack. Running out of air? Find a healthpack. Armor levels low because you've taken one too many missiles to the face? Find a healthpack.

Honestly, how hard could it be to engineer something like this? And once mass-produced, they'd be cheap as free. That alone would save untold billions a year. Maybe even trillions. You'd only have to go to the doctor for really serious problems - diseases or conditions that require a cutscene, such as being invaded by nanobots or some kind of space bacteria.

Dean Kamen invented a scooter that balances on two wheels. That's pretty dumb. Next he invented a machine that can turn muddy, toxic sludge into pure drinking water for pennies a day. That's pretty awesome. I think President Obama should make him the Technology/Healthpack czar and set him to work inventing the healthpack.

Tomorrow the president will address a joint session of Congress to try and get the healthcare train back on track. It'll be interesting to see if he's noticed the three main issues, which I have conveniently bulleted here. I'll also be watching out for the healthpack. It's time America had decent, reliable and affordable healthcare for all, and only the healthpack can provide it.

The Other M

As a long time Metroid fan, I was excited to hear about a new Metroid game, especially one that breaks from the recent Prime template of first person perspective. I don't have a Wii, but this game may be the reason to finally get one, or wait a year and get a used one and this game at over half off. That would rule.

At any rate, it'll be interesting to see how the game develops. It's described as an "action brawler" whatever that means. Sounds like it'll use good-old fashioned controls, and not the gimicky Wii wand.

Or whatever it's called.

I was skeptical about Metroid Prime, especially when I learned it would be first-person. I enjoyed that game and its sequel, though - but perhaps not as much as if they'd done something along the lines of Shadow Complex. The trailer for The Other M looks awesome, with a mixture of 2D and 3D gameplay. Hopefully the right mixture. I never played God of War, but I did play Devil May Cry, and that kind of action is just what the Metroid universe needs.

Shadow Complex IS Retro

I've been playing the XBLA game Shadow Complex for a couple of weeks now, and I love it.

Set in the near future within Orson Scott Card's Empire fiction, the game follows Jason Flemming as his hiking date in the mountains of Washington goes horribly wrong. What follows is old-school action at its finest, with a few modern twists.

In fact, the game play is both a copy of and homage to one of the greatest 2D games of all time, the SNES game Super Metroid. Not only is the map system nearly identical, but there's even a Master Challenge called "Jason Bailey," in which the player must collect 100% of the items in the game in under two hours. The reference is to a code that could be input into the original Metroid on NES. On the code screen, putting in JUSTIN BAILEY followed by all dashes in the lower section put the player in the middle of the action with 255 missiles, 5 energy tanks, and a rather underdressed Samus. Hence, the icon for the challenge is a pair of tighty whities.

In addition, as I found out in Game Informer, it turns out that Howard Phillips, who helped bring us the original NES, and Metroid, also helped bring this title to fruition.

But the similarities don't end there. Throughout the course of the game, Jason acquires missiles, super speed, a secondary (and tertiary) jump ability, a grappling hook, and even limited invincibility. But Chair went further and threw in an excellent control scheme. The left stick is for movement and aiming, but the right stick can also be used to aim more precisely, and in any direction. This is an option I would've killed for back in the day, and it really makes 2D gaming shine again. I hope more retro-style games adopt this control scheme.

That said, the controls aren't as tight as some of the older SNES favorites, though they are good. The boss fights are also a little lacking. They're fun and all, but killing generic enemies just isn't as fun as taking on a valued henchman like Kraid or Ridley.

But the graphics and special effects are superb, as is the sound. The cutscenes are even passable and can be skipped (for those high speed runs).

All in all, I think this game is fantastic, and should not be missed. If you have an XBox 360, you need Shadow Complex. And developers, if you're listening, you need to make more budget titles like this one. I've got a kid now, and just can't afford to throw 30-50 hours at a full fledged game. But Shadow Complex was just right, and the high replay value of the challenges and Leaderboards means I'll be coming back to it again and again. Keep this kind of thing coming.